Have you ever thought about your desire to have deep, meaningful relationships? To be truly loved? We are constantly, often subconsciously, searching for secure relationships. We start with parents and siblings, then we go off to grade school and make our first friends. Anyone who has ever transferred schools or started a new job might relate to the excitement of making new friends or sparking a connection with someone who sees value in you. That’s because we all have the innate need to be desired, to be sought after, and to find security.
“What they needed from me was not, first, right theology; they needed me to be their embodied imaginer of beauty, if you will, while their brains tried to catch up.”
Dr. Curt Thompson wrote these words in his book “The Soul of Desire” as he discusses the biological need every human has to find security. He talks about how from the moment a child is born, they begin to look for someone who is looking for them. That first person, of course, is mom or dad, but that need and desire never goes away. We want to be seen. To be known.
Dr. Thompson gives us the secret to finding secure relationships. It begins with being seen and moves to being soothed and safe until we feel secure.
Seen + Soothed + Safe = Secure
It is through consistently demonstrating, “You are safe here,” and helping people feel seen, soothed, and safe that we then establish a secure relationship. The first and most secure relationship we will ever have is with Jesus Christ, who is our chief model of how discipleship works. His discipleship of the Twelve was up close, personal and happened over time. He made others feel seen, soothed, safe, and secure. He stepped in when no one else would. He welcomed the loner, the outcast, the weary, and the brokenhearted. We create beauty by looking for moments and opportunities to do the same.
When we are living in secure relationships:
- We can be authentically real
- We are secure to be who God made us to be
- We feel comforted and soothed in our whole story of who we are
- We can be our true selves without shame
- Pastors can preach with confidence, not with pride or under false facades, but with faith and security in who Jesus made them to be
- We can be honest and vulnerable as we walk in our true identity in Christ
At Developing Workers, we take this approach into our discipleship. Many pastors have not felt this secure relationship in quite some time, if ever. We disciple by first getting to know the whole person and building the connection into a secure relationship. We believe that discipleship is up close, personal, and happens over time, and is done properly when we make others feel seen, soothed, safe, and secure. It is through these models that we have made a lasting impact here in Arizona and in communities with our global partners.
Read Elijah’s raw story of how he began his discipleship journey and how God has called him to disciple others.
As we get closer to Giving Tuesday and the end of the year, will you prayerfully consider how you can partner with Developing Workers financially so Elijah and the rest of the Developing Workers team can continue to pour into secure relationships that will impact generations and bring glory to God.
